It's Not Right, and I'm Not Okay
by Hummel-Anderson
Summary: 5 times Kurt needed his friends to notice he wasn't okay. 5 times he wanted them to accept him for who he was and not what they wanted him to be. 5 times he felt like he was slipping away and 5 times they had no clue. In comes Blaine, can he help put Kurt back together or will he be too far gone to repair. When in times of sorrow will the New Direction's step up?
1. Chapter 1

1)

"Rachel for the last time nobody cares!" Quinn shouted across the choir room. They were in the middle of yet another cat fight while they waited for Mr. Schue to show up and start practice. They were currently fighting about the fact that Rachel wouldn't be getting a solo at Sectionals.

"Well they should!" She screamed back, people had gravitated towards each side of the room silently signalling which side they were on. Rachel and Finn stood on one side and everyone else except Kurt and Mike was on Quinn's side. Kurt and Mike were ignoring the whole situation completely so they hadn't bothered to pick sides.

"Without me singing lead we will lose for sure! Do you know what colleges accept losers? Oh yeah! None!" Rachel yelled. She was raging around her side of the room, muttering things under her breath about how nobody appreciated her talents. This received an eye roll from everybody in the room, including Finn. Luckily though, she hadn't noticed.

"Rachel, we're not saying that you don't have talent we're just saying that it's time to give other people a chance. Besides, the solos were given to other people who also happen to be just as talented" Mercedes calmly explained.

"The solos were given to Kurt and Santana! Santana will probably try to steal the spotlight from everyone with her being from Lima Heights Adjacent and-" she began. Before she could finish Santana flung herself out of her chair fully intending to beat the crap out of the Streisand wannabe.

Luckily for Rachel the guys all held her back and soon enough everything was settled leaving Rachel flustered and Santana being held down on a chair muttering something about killing Rachel in Spanish.

"Well, even though that was a completely inappropriate worry about Santana who will sing her solo amazingly there's still Kurt and there's no denying that he's got the talent to win it!" Tina assured.

"Oh please! Kurt sings like a girl and looks like a chubby thirteen year old girl, we're doomed!" Rachel cried. Kurt snapped out of his blatant state of ignoring Rachel Berry upon hearing his name and he heard every heart shattering word coming from his 'best friend's' mouth.

Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and his lips began to quiver. His body ached for a good cry but he forced himself to push the emotion down and act like he wasn't fazed by her rude and totally uncalled for. No one even noticed how hurt he was, or how self conscious the one comment made him in his already fragile state.

He coasted through the rest of practice until the final bell finally rang and he could escape. He all but ran to his car where he promptly lot control of the emotions he had been bottling up and he cried. After he was finished sobbing he drove straight to the gym deciding on skipping dinner in favour of burning off those pounds that made him chubby.

(2)

A few days later Kurt got home from a long day at school and planned on going upstairs to his bathroom, putting on the Wicked soundtrack and taking a nice long bubble bath. Those plans were soon bashed when he got in to find almost the entire football team lounging in his living room.

"Finn, what's going on?" Kurt asked. He drew the attention of all the boys and Kurt immediately became defensive. He straightened his posture and put on his hard, emotionless face; refusing to let them faze him.

"What the hell dude? I thought you said the faggot wasn't going to be here" said Azimio. Kurt flinched at the use of the derogatory word. Finn didn't. Kurt was immediately hurt by the fact that his new step brother didn't even scold his friends for being rude.

Instead he told his friends he'd be back in a minute and ushered Kurt into the kitchen so they could talk. Kurt had never felt so hurt in his life. It was bad enough that they bullying was going on a school, he wasn't sure he could handle it in his own home.

"Hey dude, I thought you were going to be at Mercedes' until like nine or something?" Finn asked.

"Okay one, don't call me dude. Two, we changed our plans because I'm exhausted, and three, where the hell is my Dad and why is the entire football team in the living room?" Kurt choked out. He felt like he was going to vomit. The people that were making his life a living hell were in his living room and were bullying him in the one place where he was supposed to be safe. It was infuriating and nauseating all at the same time.

"They came over to watch they game and Burt and my mom went on a date. Do you think you could like, not be here for a while. It's making some of the guys uncomfortable" Finn asked.

Kurt was dumbfounded. Had his step brother really just asked him to leave his own house because it would make the Neanderthals that tormented him everyday uncomfortable to have a gay guy around them? Apparently, because Finn wore a sincere and questioning look on his face that normally would have made Kurt laugh. This time it just made him want to cry.

"I uh- I guess I could just go upstairs and stay in my- my room for the night?" Kurt asked in disbelief.

"Great!" Finn said enthusiastically. "Just don't mention this to Burt okay? I don't want him to get pissed at me. Besides, it's not like what we're doing anything you'd like; we're having boys' night" he added. Kurt just nodded and headed up to his room with the same dumbstruck look plastered on his face. He was also on the verge of tears, which didn't help.

In his daze however he still didn't miss the comment thrown his way as he passed the living room.

"Thank god butt boy's not going to be down here. Wouldn't want to catch the fag" said a random person. And then, Kurt swore he heard Finn's distinct laugh. He turned around and sure enough, he was laughing along with the rest of his team.

Kurt heart broke again and the tears poured freely over his face. If his step brother 'accepting' him was all an act then he couldn't help but wonder who else was just pretending to like him.

No one knew that Kurt went upstairs and cut himself so many times he almost passed out from the pain.

(3)

Kurt strolled into the choir room feeling happier than usual. Although he would never admit it, his happiness might have had something to do with a dark haired, hazel eyed, over gelled hobbit he had met a week prior.

Blaine had given him something that people often over looked; Courage. He gave him courage to stand up for himself when Karofsky was bullying him, although that didn't work out the way he had hoped. But nonetheless Blaine was making him feel less alone in life and that was something new for Kurt. Up until he joined Glee, he didn't really have friends, and once he did his only friends were in Glee. Even then he was still never sure where they all stood.

For once, it was a nice change for Kurt; to have a real friend who was all his, and who wasn't just pretending to be his friend. Blaine was all of that for Kurt, and it didn't hurt that he was all wrapped up in a fun size but gorgeous package.

So naturally when he walked in to Glee that day with a big grin on his face for once instead of his usual brooding frown, people automatically knew something was up. And they couldn't just let the fact that he was actually happy for once slip.

"What's up with you Hummel? Someone finally get a piece of that frigid virgin ass?" Santana whipped. Scattered laughs could be heard around the room; Kurt just walked over to his seat and tried to ignore it, praying that Mr. Schue would come in to start practice soon.

"Looks like lady lips is playing hard to get" Puck joked, more laughs and more tears Kurt was trying to not let slip. But he still had to be strong he couldn't cry in front of them, they couldn't know his weaknesses; it would only give them another way to bring him down. So he jus kept on ignoring it.

"Come on Kurt, who put that smile on your face?" Rachel asked nicely. He figured telling her couldn't hurt, so he told her all about him; how they met while he was spying, how he helped him stand up to Karofsky, how even though he was the lead singer of their rival show choir, they were still becoming great friends and how Kurt was sure he was falling madly in love with him. Telling her was a big mistake.

"Kurt what the hell are you thinking! Don't you remember what happened with Jesse and I? He's probably just using you to get to us; he doesn't like you he just wants you to think he does so you'll give him our set list! Don't we mean anything to you? How dare you put yourself and your own needs before us! This is serious Kurt, you can't see him anymore. We don't want another Jesse St. James screwing up all our chances at winning!" she screamed. Kurt wanted to yell at her, insist that Blaine was nothing like Jesse, but they way she was staring down on him made him zip his mouth and promise not to talk to Blaine anymore.

Kurt Hummel never breaks his promises. That night he texted Blaine that they couldn't go out anymore because his Glee club was afraid it would rig the competition; Blaine was futile but soon realised that once Kurt set his mind to something there was no changing it.

It absolutely broke Kurt's heart because in a matter of one he had gone from actually feeling happy for once and not feeling alone to really being alone and having nothing to make him happy again. He downed a handful of pills and drifted off into a drug induced sleep hoping that he wouldn't wake up the next day.

(4)

A few days later Kurt was walking home from school. His car was in the shop thanks to the jocks who thought it would be funny to slushy his motor, so unfortunately he was stuck walking. To make things even worse, it started pouring about half way home. He removed his expensive Marc Jacobs jacket and stuffed it in his bag, hoping that the water hadn't damaged it too much.

He shivered because it was rather cool out for fall. He was only concentrating on getting home safely. Then he would be able to go up to his bed and snuggle under all the sheets and cry about how miserable his life was; just an average Friday night.

He was about half way there when a familiar large red SUV pulled up along the side of the road. Kurt frowned and tried his best to keep the tears at bay while he kept walking along the side walk; completely ignoring who he knew was in the car.

"Come one Kurt don't ignore me! Please just get in you're going to get sick!" Blaine called from inside the car. Kurt wanted to turn around so badly but he knew he couldn't. He knew that the Glee Club wouldn't accept him being friends with a member of the rival show choir no matter how much he wanted to. But all he cared about were that his 'friends' approved of him; and he would do anything to prove he was loyal to them. Hence why he was ignoring Blaine.

"Please Kurt! Please don't do this; you know that I love you! Please get in the car so you don't get sick" Blaine begged. The tears were racing silently down Kurt's face; he wanted to turn around so much it was literally hurting him. He loved Blaine too. Blaine was the one person who Kurt could trust and who loved him back; but he had been forced to end it due to Glee.

"Kurrrrrrrrrt! Come on honey please don't do this! I don't even know why you broke up with me! You just said you couldn't see me anymore then you hung up, I didn't even get a reason why! I came to talk to you, so will you please get in the car so you can get out of the freezing rain?" Blaine was full on begging and it sounded as though his eyes were filled with tears to.

Kurt stopped in his tracks. He willed himself not to turn around. He knew Blaine was crying and he knew he was too. He knew that if he turned around then he would take Blaine back in a second. He would forget all the pain and suffering he'd put himself through for his 'friends' and he would just let himself be happy for once. Then the entire Glee club would hate him and he'd have no friends.

He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't be alone, not again. So he kept walking; pushing through the rain that was mixing with the tears which were starting to resemble Niagara Falls while falling down his cheeks. His shoulders shook with sobs that he was trying desperately to suppress.

He could hear Blaine cries and pleas from his car as he followed him all the way home. He just tried to push them to the back of his mind and instead thought of his mom, and how she would have been the perfect person to help him in the situation. He missed her like crazy everyday and wanted nothing more than to be held in her arms. Then he realised what he had to do. He needed to be with her; and there was only one way to get there.

(5)

Kurt decided that he would finish the week of school before executing his plan; sort of a last hurrah so to speak. His carefully written note was tucked away safely beneath his bed. There were only a few people who he'd genuinely miss, but he was tired of living in pain and not being able to be happy.

On Friday, the day he had planned for it to happen, things escaladed to a whole new level. He was walking down the hall on his way to his last class when Karofsky shoved him into a nearby locker. His shoulder collided with the locker in a shocking force that left pain rippling through his body.

"What a fag!" Karofsky sneered. Kurt was done; he was finished with being bullied and tormented for something he couldn't change and since he wouldn't be there to feel the repercussions of standing up for himself he decided to take the leap in a moment of blinding faith.

"Hey!" he screamed. He followed Karofsky into the change room where he'd been heading when he'd pushed him.

"The girls change room is next door butt-boy" Karofsky joked. It only fuelled Kurt's anger more.

"What is your problem? What did I do to make you hate me so much?" Kurt cried, although his tears were falling he was more angry then anything else. And he wouldn't be backing down; not this time, not after he'd been doing that for the last 17 years of his life.

"You are the problem you little fairy queen. And unless you want a beating from the fury I suggest you get the hell out of the guys change room and go disappear" the bully spat.

"No, I'm tired of this Karofsky you are a sick, masochistic animal who can't make heads or tail about anything. Who picks on innocent kids to make himself feel better because he's a terrible human being and you know what-" he was steaming through his rant but was promptly cut of by Karofsky's lips crashing hard and foreign against his.

He was momentarily paralyzed with fear, disgust, hatred and shame. All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die, hopefully before sunset, he would. In what felt like years but must have only been seconds his brain started to work again and he pushed Karofsky away with all the force his barely-there muscles could muster.

"Dammit!" Kurt's harasser screamed as he slammed his head repeatedly against the bright red and much too cheery looking, lockers of the change room. Kurt's hands ghosted over his lips willing the pained feeling that was left behind to go away.

Karofsky pushed Kurt up against the lockers, leaving him no escape. He gulped while waiting for his impending doom.

"If you tell _**anybody **_that you just attacked me like that I will find you and I will _**kill **_you" he snarled. "Or maybe you could do us all a favour and kill yourself for me" he laughed before walking out of the change room leaving Kurt to his thoughts.

Kurt wanted to shout at him, tell him that his wish would be granted soon enough, but he was much toO proud to do that. If there was one thing he wanted to die with, it was dignity.

He picked himself up off the floor where he had evidently fallen and collected his bag off the bench. He walked over to the mirror trying to recollect himself before going back out into the school. He put his phone on the side of the sink and washed his face, trying wipe away any and all of the remnants left behind from one of the many people who'd hurt him.

His phone buzzed and looked down finding that is was a text message; from Blaine. Kurt tried really hard not to contact Blaine but he never had been able to resist reading the text messages that were sent from his one and only boyfriend; the love of his life. It read;

_**To Kurt: **_

_**From Blaine:**_

_**You should let me love you, I know that you don't want to because of your friends Kurt but what kind of friends are they if they don't want you to be happy? I'll make you happy. Please, just call me. I love you. **_

He smiled at the text before locking his phone and putting it in his pocket and heading home for the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

(1)

Blaine had had enough of Kurt's 'friends' and decided that something needed to be done about how they treated Kurt and what they thought of him; but first, he needed to get Kurt back. He needed Kurt to love him. So, he made a spur of the moment decision to go to his house and surprise him in hopes that it would get him to talk to him. With him, he carried a single red rose.

Blaine got to the front door and noticed it was unlocked and that Kurt's car was the only one in the driveway, so he let himself in. He remembered from the few times he had been to Kurt's house where to go to get to Kurt's bedroom. He walked down the not-so-familiar hallway until he found the stairs leading up to Kurt's bedroom.

He climbed them slowly not wanting Kurt to hear him; it was a surprise after all. And boy oh boy, was he surprised when he walked into the bedroom of the man he loved to see him passed out on the floor; lifeless and covered in a pool of blood, which was still flowing from his wrist and staining the pristine white carpet. His hand released the rose and it fell to the floor as Blaine rushed over to kneel by his love.

"Kurt! Oh my god, Kurt, please baby, wake up!" Blaine cried frantically. He brought two fingers to Kurt's neck searching for a pulse. Luckily there was one, but it was eerily faint. Blaine ripped off his sweater and wrapped around Kurt's cut wrist.

Once he was sure he'd stopped the immense flow of blood oozing from Kurt's wrist, he scrambled to get his cell phone out of his pocket so he could call an ambulance.

"9-1-1 what is your emergency?" said the operator in her trained monotone.

"I need an ambulance! 415 Whitman Avenue, my boyfriend, he-he tried to kill himself; he's lost a lot of blood please hurry!" Blaine cried hysterically to the emergency operator.

"I've sent an ambulance to 415 Whitman Avenue, now you need to stay calm and explain to me what happened." said the operator in a soothing voice; it was doing nothing to calm Blaine's nerves.

"I-I came over to-to-talk to him and I found him unconscious on the floor of his room! He has cuts on his wrist, I-I think I've stopped the ble-bleeding but I'm so scared. Please he needs help!" Blaine babbled.

"Alright son, I need to know, does your boyfriend have a pulse?" she asked timidly.

"Yeah I checked, but it's so weak and-I can't lose him!" Blaine wailed.

"Just stay calm, now what is his name?" she asked warily.

"Kurt. Kurt Hummel." Blaine informed the elderly-sounding lady.

"Okay thank you, the paramedics should be there any minute."

Blaine nodded although she couldn't see him. He was rocking himself soothingly still clutching on to his lifeless Kurt. He was applying pressure to the wounds; something he had learned from his extensive first-aid training that his parents had forced him into taking. He made a mental note to thank them later.

As he was trying to calm himself down he noticed a white sheet of paper lying on Kurt's bed folded neatly in half. His face blanched when he realized what it was: Kurt's suicide note.

He scampered over to Kurt's bed and shoved the letter in his pocket, promising himself he would read it later. Right now, his only focus was keeping Kurt alive until the paramedics got there.

As if on cue, Blaine heard the wail of sirens and feet shuffling on the main floor and up the stairs. As soon as he saw the first of the two paramedics, Blaine felt an invisible weight being lifted off of his shoulders.

The first was a man looked to be in his mid forties early fifties. He had short, buzzed hair that was a mix of white, black, and gray and he sported a freshly shaved goatee. The next was a woman who looked much younger, no older than thirty. She had long, curly blonde hair tied back in a neat ponytail and bright blue eyes that reminded Blaine far too much of Kurt's.

"I'm Ted and this is my partner Nicole. We're going to help your friend out here today. Now tell me, was he conscious when you found him?" asked Ted as he set up different tools and instruments that left Blaine dazed and confused.

"No," Blaine responded weakly. His shoulders were slumped into a pity poor posture and his eyes were red and puffy, as if they'd cried a thousand tears. In truth, the tears needn't be cried anymore. His eyes had given up on crying and the tears were just falling from his eyes now, blurring his vision slightly.

"Any allergies that you're aware of?" inquired Nicole.

"None that I'm aware of. Is he going to be okay?" Blaine insisted.

"We're doing everything to make sure he is going to be fine." Ted informed him from over Kurt's unconscious body where he was running several tests and hooking Kurt up to various machines.

"Right now though, we need to take him down to the hospital for blood transfusions and to get those wounds looked at. And he'll need to be put on suicide watch," explained Nicole.

"I'll go with him to the hospital." Blaine informed the duo. They simply nodded and transferred Kurt onto the gurney that Blaine hadn't noticed they'd brought in. They quickly collected all the instruments they'd laid out moments before and they headed downstairs and outside with Kurt strapped securely on the gurney.

Blaine's eyes raked up and down Kurt's limp body as sobs violently shook through his own. Once they were settled in the ambulance and on their way to the hospital, Nicole put a comforting hand on Blaine's shaking shoulder.

"Could you please call his parent they'll need to get to the hospital as soon as possible?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah sure." Blaine snuffled. He dug into his pocket for his phone and once again was reminded of the pristine white page that also resided in his short-pants pocket. Feeling the cool paper brought on another fresh round of silent sobs. He scrolled through his contacts until he landed on Burt Hummel's name. He hit the green talk button.

"Hey Blaine what can I do for you?" Burt asked.

"Burt, you need to sit down." Blaine cautioned.

"Okay, I'm sitting, what is it?" Burt asked vigilantly.

"Burt, Kurt tried to kill himself. We're in an ambulance on our way to the hospital right now. I came over to try and talk to Kurt and the door was unlocked, so I let myself in then when I got to his room, I found him unconscious on the floor." Blaine cried harder than he had ever cried before. Somehow telling Burt made everything seem so much more real.

"I'm-I'm in Columbus but I'm leaving right now. Kid, can you stay with him until I get there? I know he broke up with you but-but he loves you and he can't be alone, please Blaine?" Burt begged. Hearing Burt so broken broke Blaine's heart even more. Although he and Kurt only dated for a couple of months before the New Directions forced Kurt to break up with him, he and Burt had grown quite close and never lost contact after Kurt broke up with the former.

"I wouldn't dream of leaving him, we're almost here. The med's are saying he's stable but he's going to need a blood transfusion. He-uh-he chose a blade, so." Blaine whispered solemnly.

"Oh god, I'm such a terrible father," Burt admitted sadly.

"NO! You are an amazing father. You are the kind of man I aspire to be one day. I have a feeling I know who's fault this it." Blaine assured the poor old man.

"Who, I'll kill the bastard!" Burt raged.

"Burt, your heart," Blaine warned.

"Screw my heart, my son tried to kill himself!" Burt rabidly raged.

"Burt please, just concentrate on getting to the hospital. I'll take care of the rest." Blaine explained.

"I'm still an hour away. I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you so much Blaine; for everything." Burt whispered dejectedly before hanging up.

A few seconds after Blaine hung up with Burt they arrived at the hospital. Kurt was rushed into the emergency room and Blaine was forced to wait in the small ICU waiting room until a nurse came and got him.

Blaine sat down on the uncomfortable plastic chairs. He looked around the surprisingly crowded room. He buried face in his hands and tried to calm the tears that were still relentlessly racing down his scuffed tan skin.

"Are you alright?" asked a small child who was sitting in the chair beside him. She wore a concerned but innocent look that completely broke whatever of Blaine's heart that was left.

"Not right now" Blaine said sadly. The small girl with bright red hair and gorgeous green eyes hopped out of her chair and embraced Blaine in a warm hug you could only receive from a child.

"Thank you for the hug, it just made me feel a little bit better." Blaine lied easily to the girl, not wanting to upset her kindred spirit.

"You're welcome!" she giggled. She kissed his slightly scruffy cheek before toddling back over to who Blaine inferred was her mother. The woman gave Blaine a sad smile before returning her attention to her babbling toddler.

Without the distraction Blaine's mind wandered back to the events of his day. He thought about the rose falling free from his grasp and tumbling to the ground just as he wished he could. How he could literally feel his heart shatter when he saw Kurt on the floor of his room, unconscious and vulnerable.

Suddenly his phone was vibrating in his pocket. He was shaken from his thoughts and he picked it out of his pocket. He answered it without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" Blaine answered in a pitifully sad tone.

"Blaine! Honey where are you?! It's almost dinner time, you were supposed to be home an hour ago!" Carla Anderson, Blaine's mother, asked worriedly.

"Mommy!" Blaine cried. Hearing his mother's voice made him feel like a little kid.

"Blaine, sweetheart what's wrong?" Carla asked.

"Mommy, I'm at the hospital," Blaine whispered as he cried.

"Are you okay, what happened?" she exclaimed worried.

"I went over to Kurt's to see if he would talk to me like you suggested and when I got there I found him unconscious on the ground. He tried to kill himself mommy, now I'm at the hospital waiting to see if he's okay and I'm so scared. Mommy I'm so scared!" Blaine sobbed.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry love. Which hospital are you at?" she asked in her concerned-mom tone.

"Lima Memorial." Blaine answered dully.

"Mommy will be right there, you just hang tight and give me and your father ten minutes, tops!" she assured him before hanging up.

With still little to no reassurance that everything would be okay, the note in his pocket suddenly weighed a million tons and Blaine couldn't bare his curiosity any longer. He pulled out the paper to read what it said. Before he could get past 'To whomever finds this…' that was written on the outside of the folded sheet his attention was focused on Burt, who had just arrived.

"Blaine!" Burt breathed once he saw the sad looking, disheveled boy whom he saw as his own son. Though Kurt and Blaine had only known each other one week prior to Kurt breaking up with him, Blaine's feelings had only intensified through the time between Kurt calling them off and to when he walked in to find the man he loved dying on the floor.

"Burt!" Blaine cried before launching himself into the older man's waiting embrace.  
Both men clenched on tightly to each other as they tried to sob away all their pain. They cried for Kurt, for themselves, for his family, for Elizabeth; Kurt's mom who wouldn't have wanted her son to feel the way he had. They cried in mourning for that one blissful week they'd had before Kurt has slipped up and told his 'friends' about them; which in turn, caused their break up at the insistence of the New Directions.

Days, weeks and months could have passed but neither man would have noticed; they were too caught up in the other's embrace. Harshly, they were brought out of their own little world by a doctor calling out.

All of the waiting room patrons looked hopefully at the doctor praying that they would call out their loved one's name; Burt and Blaine included.

"Hummel?" called the doctor.

Burt and Blaine both shot into action as they raced over to the corner of the room where the doctor was standing.

"How is he?" Blaine cried.

"Is he okay?" pleaded Burt.

"You are his Dad I presume?" asked the doctor. Burt nodded. "And you are?" he nodded towards Blaine. Blaine not sure how to answer the question was taken a back when Burt answered for him.

"This is Kurt's boyfriend, so I suggest if you have a problem with that you leave so I can find a different doctor who isn't a bigot" Burt rushed. The doctor looked wary for a second, but quickly regained his swagger.

"No problems whatsoever. Now Mr. Hummel, Kurt is awake we only needed to give him a pint of blood and stitch and bandage his wrists, which were deeply cut. I've put him on 72 hour watch but he won't speak to anyone. He just keeps asking for Blaine, so if there is any possible way we could get this 'Blaine' in there to talk him down from his panic attack then that would be great." the doctor explained.

"I'm Blaine," Blaine whispers.

"Oh' excellent! This way then," they doctor urges. Blaine sends a questioning look at Burt who nudges him on. Blaine nods once and squeezes the older mans hand before following the doctor down the clean white halls of the hospital.

They stop at a room labelled '518' and it's only then that Blaine realizes they are on the fifth floor.

"Okay, now when you walk in you are going to be alone. I want him to talk to you so I don't want to scare him alright? Just be there for him and let him come to you. To much prodding could set us back instead of bring us forward and we don't want that." the doctor informed him. Blaine nodded before pushing the door open.

As soon as the door shut behind him he turned around to see Kurt lying on the plain white hospital bed. His skin so pale there was hardly a difference from the crisp white sheets. He had large, dark, purple circles under his eyes and his lips were pale, pink and cracked. Kurt's hair was a ruffled mess that Blaine found absolutely adorable. His wrist was covered in thick white bandages and an IV hooked up to several different bags was connected to the top of his hand. He looked so fragile and sickly, some might have mistaken him for being on his death bed.

Blaine slowly approached the bed until he was almost at the rail. Kurt turned his head towards the noise Blaine's feet were making and they locked eyes. Instantaneously, both boys eyes filled with tears. Blaine swooped down to envelope the delicate boy in a soft embrace that conveyed all the emotions he felt for him. All the love and sorrow, the pity and the warmth was all channeled through that one embrace.

All too soon, Blaine pulled away but only for a moment so he could place a soft kiss on Kurt's dry lips. Blaine's hand lightly cupped Kurt's cheek and his thumb stroked Kurt's muffled chestnut hair.

"I love you so much Kurt," Blaine admitted through the tears of sadness and happiness.

"I love you too Blaine, so much." Kurt finally admitted to himself. He really couldn't see the point of lying anymore, everyone was going to hate him for trying to kill himself anyway. But in truth, he was so happy that someone had found him, he knew now how precious life was and he no longer wanted to die.

"Kurt, I was so scared. I love you so much, please don't ever leave me again!" Blaine pleaded into Kurt's shoulder.

"I am so sorry Blaine. I see how stupid I was now, I just. Blaine please don't hate me. I can take everyone else hating me for being so stupid, but I can't take it if you hate me. Please still love me!" Kurt cried.

"Kurt, baby no one will hate you! Kurt when I found you lying there in your room, I thought I was going to die. I've known you for two weeks and I can already tell you that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in the entire world. When I thought I'd lost you, I couldn't breathe. You are my air, the sun in my life and the moon in my night, you are everything. Please don't ever leave me again!" Blaine pleaded in retort to Kurt's plea.

"Okay so it's settled, no one's ever leaving anyone, alright?" Kurt cried through a tiny smile. Things weren't okay, and they wouldn't be for a long time but together, with the help of Burt and Blaine's parents, Tony and Carla, they could get through it. Blaine knew this as he clutched onto Kurt and planted sweet kisses in his hair murmuring promises of forever.

-Page Break-

Later that evening after many visits from family, doctors, nurses and physiatrists Blaine found himself sitting on the tiny pull out cot in Kurt's hospital room thinking about nothing specifically. Earlier the nurses had tried to get Blaine to go home and rest which had sent Kurt into a full-blown panic attack, and Blaine quickly assured them that he would be fine and would be staying with Kurt. They'd complied at Burt's assistance and now Blaine was alone with a sleeping Kurt and just his thought.

Again the note in his pocket suddenly felt like it weighed a million tons. Blaine made sure Kurt was fast asleep before he pulled it out of his pocket. He sat back on the chair and began reading.

On the front of the folded note it said '_To whomever finds this…_'. Blaine opened the folded paper.  
_  
As my final wish I'd like to ask that everyone who is addressed gets the opportunity to read this…if they wish._

_Blaine,_  
_If you are reading this, then I am so very sorry. If there is one thing I'm going to miss about being alive it's you and my Dad. Though I suppose I haven't really been living since I broke up with you one week ago. Please don't blame yourself because this had nothing to do with you, or my father. Could you tell him that? My life has been full of heartache and sorrow and Blaine, I'm just so tired. So, so tired. I can't go to school without worrying about being shoved into lockers, beaten into a pulp, slushied beyond repair or insulted to the point of tears. And surprisingly enough, it's not even the bullies that have given me the worst of it. It was my friends. Please just know how much I've loved you and how much you've helped me everyday. You brought happiness to me when I had no hope of ever smiling again. And just please remember that this was not your fault, you can't fix something if you don't know it's broken, and you didn't know, and please move on. Love another, but never forget the love we've shared. I love you so much, fly my beautiful little warbler. Be free._

_Dad;_  
_I am so sorry Dad, you have no idea how sorry I am. I love you so much that this is so hard to do but it's my time. I can't stand living like this and I know that if I go to you about my problems, I'll only end up ruining the happiness you've found with Carole. I want you to know how much you've meant to me, and how much you've taught me. I only wish I was as strong as you are. You could get through this and I'm taking the easy way out. I'm with Mom now so don't be too sad, I'm in a better place where no one can hurt me and make my existence miserable like they have. And I know they'll be better off without me; they've said it before. Until the next time I see you, I love you forever old man._

_New Directions;_  
_I'm sorry I've backed out on you at the last minute. I know you'll be disappointed in me for bailing right before Sectionals, but it's for the better.__Rachel, now there won't be anyone to compete for solos with. You've always said you were better than me and now you're right. Someone strong enough to be the lead soloist would never coward out like I am. But it's the only way I know how to get this pain to stop. __Finn, I'm sorry I've caused you so much grief for being the football player with a gay step-brother. I know it's hard for you. Please take care of Carole and my father, I don't expect them to take this in stride, but I can only hope that this will relieve some of the tension in your life and make you happy again; that's all I've ever wanted; to make people happy. __To the rest of you, I don't suppose you care enough to even read this but if by the off chance you do, I'm sorry for being such a pest to you and I want to thank you for tolerating me while I was there. You were the only people that didn't physically hurt me (most of the time.)_

_To all of you;_

_I love you._

_~ Kurt Hummel._

By the time Blaine was finished reading, there were so many tears in his eyes that he couldn't see straight. He pocketed the note and headed over back to the chair that was right beside Kurt's bed. He kissed Kurt's lips lightly; not hard enough to stir the sleeping boy.

Blaine knew what he had to do. Someone had to talk to the New Directions to make sure they knew that it was their fault and someone to make sure they suffered like Kurt did. They needed to feel guilt and sorrow. But for now, Blaine would sit by Kurt's bedside and protect him from all the demons that possessed Kurt's suicide addled mind.  
_**  
When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide**_

Post A/N: So that's par two! I hope you're enjoying! I originally said this would be a two shot but I have an idea for a third and final chapter then an epilogue so if you would like to read that then please review/favourite/follow!


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning the hospital is cold and gloomy when Blaine wakes up from his uncomfortable sleep in the chair beside Kurt's bed. He'd fallen asleep leaning onto the small hospital bed clutching onto Kurt's hand for dear life. He's groggy and unaware due to the complete lack of sleep he'd gotten the previous day and the tiny bits of sleep he had gotten during the night hadn't really helped. He's startled when a nurse comes in through the large beige door behind him. He jumps from his seat and turns around shocked and scared.

"I'm sorry I scared you, I'm just here to check his vitals dear" the nurse tries to calm him. He tells her very politely that it was fine, and that he'd just woken up so that was the only reason he'd been frightened. She checks Kurt's vitals surprisingly without waking him and then she goes to leave but stops before she makes it out the door. "You know honey you should go down to the cafeteria and get some food or coffee or something. He's going to be out for a while; they gave him a really strong dose of medicine before he fell asleep last night. And you can't be there for him if you aren't taking care of yourself" she tries to coax him.

"Alright, but I'll only be gone for a little while" he gives in. He knows Kurt will be fine, he's sleeping and Blaine will be back before he wakes up anyways. But he's still nervous leaving Kurt alone. In his mind he knows nothing bad will happen. He's on intense watch, nothing can happen. But the last time he'd left his love alone he'd ended up in the hospital so his nerves are eating away at him. With a kiss to Kurt's forehead he leaves off to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee like the nurse suggested.

Not ten minutes later Blaine is standing in line in the cafeteria waiting for his cup of coffee when he hears a hair-raising announcement over the intercom that sends his fears jolting through his body. "Blaine Anderson please report back to the psychiatric ward immediately. Blaine Anderson report back to the psychiatric ward immediately" the lady over the intercom speaks. Without even thinking Blaine's feet start carrying him faster and faster until he reaches the ward. He can hear Kurt screaming from all the way down at the nurse's station. Wild and panicking he's searching for someone to tell him what's going on. "What's going on?" he asks the first nurse he sees.

"Who are you?" she asks. He doesn't blame her he's pretty sure he looks absolutely insane but he doesn't really care. He just needs to see Kurt, to make Kurt better. To tell him that he loves him and everything is going to be okay. He needs to hold him in his arms and calm his screams. Sooth the ache in his heart and heal the cuts on his wrists. He needs to make everything better and he needs to do it now.

"Blaine. Blaine Anderson. I'm here for Kurt Hummel, they-they called me over the intercom. Please I need to see him" he says frantically. The name clicks in the young nurse's mind and suddenly she's rushing him down the hall to room 518. Through the frosted glass window Blaine can see two nurses trying to calm and soothe Kurt.

"Are you his brother?" the unknowing nurse asks before she opens the door. Blaine's not sure what to tell her. He doesn't want to say that he is because Blaine Anderson is not a liar. But he's not sure if he should share the truth with her. He decides in his mind that there really isn't time for a whole big debate about it so he flat out tells her that he is Kurt's boyfriend. Thankfully the woman fully accepts that and she explains that Kurt is having a panic attack and he's been asking for him. She tells him that the most important thing is trying to get Kurt calm so he doesn't slip into unconsciousness and she explains that Blaine will need to be calm for the both of them. He thanks her for calling him before hastily moving into the room to try and soothe Kurt.

"Shh, baby it's me. I'm here" he soothes as soon as he's close enough to touch Kurt. He pulls himself right up beside the bed and leans over Kurt's face. He cups the older mans pale porcelain cheeks in his hands and rests their foreheads together. He presses light kisses to Kurt's lips and wipes the tears from his cheeks with his thumbs. "Kurt baby, it's Blaine. I'm here you're safe no one is going to hurt you. You're alright. Please baby stop crying, I'm here. You don't need to be scared anymore. I've got you" Blaine coos. He scoots them both over so he can get on the bed. Easily he lifts Kurt's lithe frame and settle him in his lap. Blaine leans back against the raised head of the bed and Kurt leans back against his chest finally calm enough to let Blaine wrap his strong, sweat shirt covered arms around him.

"Blaine?" Kurt chokes out from his dry and raw throat. The sound is so weak and pathetic it makes Blaine want to cry. Or punch someone; preferably the New Directions; the bastards. But right now he can't because he has to continue to soothe Kurt for another 20 minutes before Kurt is anywhere near ready to talk. "Blaine why weren't you hear I was so scared. So scared" Kurt cries silently against Blaine's chest. His head is cuddled into the crooks of Blaine's neck and his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry baby, I just went to get some coffee I thought you were going to be asleep still" Blaine explains soothingly as he rubs tiny circles on Kurt's stomach. He repeatedly kisses the side of his forehead lovingly and tightens his arms around Kurt just a little bit, just enough to silently say 'I'm here now, and I love you. I'll never let them hurt you ever again'. Kurt seems to get the message because he lets out a long over due breath of air.

"God I'm being so stupid" Kurt mutters. The tone in his voice scares Blaine. He can hear self loathing and shame and Blaine wants nothing more than to wipe it away and never hear it again. It has got to be the worst sound Blaine's ever heard; worst than nails on a chalk board and worst than babies screaming and crying. It's all in all just a terribly heart breaking sound and Blaine wouldn't wish it on his worst enemies. Well maybe the Ne Directions but again, it's still not the time for that. But oh the time will come.

"You're not stupid Kurt, I told you I'd be here when you woke up and I wasn't. It's my fault please don't blame yourself. I love you baby, and I'm not going to leave without you knowing again, okay?" Blaine tells him. He hates that Kurt feels like this and he does not want to be adding any stress what Kurt already feels.

He'd known Kurt was having problems with bullying and his friends. It was obvious on his face the moment they'd met. The way his smile would never quite reach its full potential and his eyes were an icy colour of blue. It was heartbreakingly beautiful when he looks back to that moment; the moment when he first really _saw _Kurt, he knows it must have been how taped together the boy looked. He looked put together because of the way he held himself. But anyone could tell he was merely taped together.

"I love you so much Blaine. And I feel crazy because I've only known you for like two weeks and I know it's illogical to be in love with someone that fast but Blaine I'm sure I love you. I knew from the moment that I saw you I loved you" Kurt continues to cry silently and Blaine joins him because really he needed it. He felt like he could finally breathe. Kurt would be okay. He was sure of it. But for now they both needed a break from life. From what had happened and from what had yet to come. Kurt wasn't sure which one he was more scared of. Facing the past or starting the future.

Later that day, sometime in the late afternoon Burt showed up at the hospital. Kurt was asleep and Blaine really didn't want to wake the sleeping beauty but he really needed to talk to Burt, he gently kissed Kurt's forehead, then his cheek and finally his moment Blaine swore they would make it through all that had yet to come.

"I like being kissed awake" Kurt comments whole heartedly. Unfortunately it doesn't really sound that way because it makes it out of his throat scratchy and quiet. All the crying had really token a toll on his body, one that he hadn't really been aware of until then. He was wearing a retched hospital gown; he didn't even remember being changed from the white Henley and skinny jeans he'd been wearing when he was brought in.

"And I like kissing you awake" Blaine giggles softly into his ear. He pecks the smaller boy's ear softly to emphasize his point. Kurt giggled too. It was beautiful. "Listen baby, your Dad is here. So I'm going to go and get something to eat while he comes in here with you for a bit alright?" Blaine asks worriedly. He doesn't want to leave Kurt's side but knows he really shouldn't be hogging so much of Kurt's time in the first place. He should be gracious for what he gets in the first place. Burt doesn't have to let him be here, but he was allowing it and that's all that mattered.

"But what if he hates me?" Kurt asks. Somehow, if it were even possible, his voice seemed smaller, quieter. Tears bubbled over the edge of Kurt's eyes and started racing down his cheeks before Blaine even had time to stop them coming at all. Not too mention that what Kurt had said baffled him enough. If there was one thing Burt Hummel wasn't was mad at Kurt. The elder man certainly didn't hate his son. He might not have understood why he chose to try what he chose but that didn't mean he hated Kurt. If anything it proved just how much Burt really did love Kurt, but clearly Kurt couldn't see that.

"I promise you your father doesn't hate you Kurt; far from it actually. When I called to tell him that I found you I swear Kurt I heard his heart break. He loves you so much Kurt, it's something we have in common. He might not understand at the moment why you did what you did but with time he will and we'll all be there to love and support you all the way to recover and beyond that. He's you Dad, nothing changes that and nothing changes his love for you. You have nothing to worry about baby" Blaine consoles the distressed boy.

Kurt simply nods and kisses Blaine's surprisingly scruffy cheek. He makes a mental note to text his Mom and ask her to bring him his razor so he can go into one of the bathroom on the main floor and shave. There are no sharp objects of any kind aloud in the psychiatric ward so he won't be able to shave there, but he'll find somewhere. Then he'll be right back at Kurt's side. "I won't be gone long" he promises and with another kiss to the forehead, cheek and mouth he's out the door.

He's greeted in the hallway not only by Burt, but Burt, Carole and Finn. Blaine wants to scream and yell and punch something. How dare Finn show up like this; like he isn't the guilty one? Blaine's rage almost bubbles over the top but instead he simply taps Finn on the shoulder and asks to speak with him while Burt and Carole go in too see Kurt. Finn can see the fire in Blaine's eyes but nonetheless he agrees and they walk out of the ward and down to the lobby of the hospital then straight out into the parking lot. Blaine wants to make sure he's able to scream.

"How dare you!" Blaine screams as soon as they seem to be alone. He can feel hot prickly tears welling up in his eyes as they turn a vibrant shade of red to match his fury. His hands fly around in the air as he yells. He tries to keep them away form Finn because he is a Dalton Academy Warbler and he is classy but when it comes to Kurt all his carefully laid rules and handbooks fly out the window with his inhibitions and all that's left is raw Blaine.

"Do you realize what you've done? What all the New Direction's have done. You guys are the reason Kurt is even here Finn. You. You and Rachel, and Mercedes and Tina and everyone. You are all pathetic and stupid. How could you not see the Finn? I've known the guy for seventeen days and from day one I could tell something wasn't right with him. And you've all been with him for most of his life and you still didn't notice anything wrong with him? It's pathetic Finn. Not to mention that on top of not noticing him slipping away you're also the ones bullying him. He told me Finn. He told me how Rachel called him a chubby thirteen year old girl, and how you made him stay in his room all night while you hung out with the football team in your shared home. And he also told me how you sat down there and laughed with them about how Kurt's a 'fag'. Do you think he's just a fag Finn?" Blaine screeches angrily.

"What? No!" Finn tries to step in but it's clearly not going to work because Blaine is furious. His tiny body is filled with hot red rage. His hands are shaky and he can't think straight. He really wants to punch Finn. So he does.

**A/N: Hey there readers! Sorry this has taken so long. I really like this idea but it's depressing to write so it's been taking a while. Hopefully the next part won't be so far away! Oh and I'm turning this into an actual multi-chapter story so don't worry. Thanks for still reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

_He really wants to punch Finn. So he does._

It's not the best punch Blaine ever threw but it's still a punch and it hits Finn straight in the jaw with a force that startles even Blaine. Finn falls to ground clutching the side of his face and Blaine almost feels bad. But the look of acknowledgement and willingness in Finn's eyes sends a satisfied shock through Blaine's body. He should have known Finn would respond better to physical violence. He's probably so used to Rachel screaming at him that he tunes the screaming out all together.

"Ow, what the hell dude?" Finn challenges weakly. He stands up shakily still caressing the side of his face and through his freakishly large fingers Blaine can already see a bruise forming. He doesn't want to admit it but the sight sends a quick smile to his face. He hadn't realised how much he'd wanted to hit someone.

"Listen to me Finn. Right now you're going to leave and you're going to go home. You're not going to say anything about this to Burt or Carole and tomorrow at 3 o clock sharp you and all the New Directions will be in the McKinley auditorium. Am I clear?" Blaine snaps venomously. His tone is threatening and he can tell in Finn's eyes that he's won this confrontation. Wordlessly Finn nods before jogging off to where Blaine can only assume that he parked his car.

Blaine takes a minute to collect himself before heading back into the hospital. He passes by the nurse station and he waves to the ladies there, they swoon, of course but he doesn't notice. He's more focused on getting back to Kurt's room. He stops outside the door and takes a deep breath before opening it and heading in. He goes straight to his chair and slides his hand back into Kurt's like he hadn't even been gone.

"Where's Finn?" Burt asks suspiciously. He adjusts the baseball cap on his head and twiddles his thumbs. Yes. Burt Hummel twiddled his thumbs. He'd been doing that a lot over the past few days. Leaving Kurt with Blaine was hard for Burt. It's not that he didn't trust the kid, and he knew that Kurt wanted Blaine there, but leaving your own child in the hospital is not easy. So he twiddled his thumbs.

"He got called to an emergency New Direction's meeting. And he didn't want to see Kurt in the state that he's in, he may not admit it but he's scared" Blaine says smoothly, if he didn't know the true story he would have sworn by the way he said that that it was the truth, he mentally patted himself on the back. He also felt all the tension leave Kurt's body as soon as he said that Finn wasn't coming in. I knew that Kurt wouldn't want to see the bastard. It only reassured me that I'd done the right thing. "But he asked me not to say anything to you guys about it so maybe you could not mention it too him?" Blaine asked.

"Of course Blaine, thanks for talking to him though. He's been really quiet since Kurt was er… found" Carole thanked him in her typical 'mom' voice. Silently Blaine adds guilty to the list she said. He just nodded his recognition and turned back to his boyfriend in the hospital bed.

"Do you need anything Kurt?" Blaine asks lovingly. His eyes are surprisingly big and bright for the amount of sleep he'd gotten in the past three or four days, no one was sure exactly how many days it had been.

In that moment, when Blaine is looking at him with all the love in the world and he's surrounded by his Dad and Carole, he feels for the first time in a long time that maybe he is loved. And maybe just maybe he'll be okay, he doesn't need the New Directions, he doesn't need Finn, he doesn't need anyone else but them; they'll love him. Suddenly he's overcome with emotions and he bursts out into tears. He's quite hysterical. He feels everyone huddle closer around him. Blaine wraps his secure arms around him while he sits behind him, cradling him to his chest and Burt and Carole both have a soothing hand on each of his legs.

"What's wrong Kurt?" Burt asks nervously. They'd been fine before, Carole and he had come in and everything was fine. A little tense but fine, then he'd gone from stable to hysterically sobbing.

"Nothing, I'm just so glad I'm alive. It's the first time that I've thought that maybe, just maybe we'll be okay" Kurt cries. He rests his head back on Blaine's shoulder and soaks up the sereneness of the moment. It's quite perfect. He's with all the people who love him and he's happy; truly happy for the time in months.

"We will be okay Kurt. I promise you. I love you, Carole loves you, and Blaine… damn he loves you Kurt. We're going to be okay" Burt soothes and now we're all crying because yeah, we're going to be okay.

I smile wide and rub circles on Kurt's stomach. Burt and Carole smile at Kurt and I, I think it's because we remind them of themselves; in love; and blissfully so. It feels like something should be said but no one wants to ruin the moment, so instead I do the only thing I know will always be okay; I sing.

"_This feeling that my life's begun at last  
This change,  
Can people really fall in love so fast?  
What's the matter with you, Have you been too much on your own?  
So many things unclear  
So many things unknown._

In my life  
There are so many questions and answers  
That somehow seem wrong  
In my life  
There are times when I catch in the silence  
The sigh of a faraway song  
And it sings  
Of a world that I long to see  
Out of reach  
Just a whisper away  
Waiting for me.

Does he know I'm alive?  
Do I know if he's real?  
Does he see what I saw?  
Does he feel what I feel?

In my life  
I'm no longer alone  
Now the love in my life  
Is so near  
Find me now, find me here!"

**Post A/N: So in the next one we get some more angry/aggressive Blaine… I was going to put it in this chapter but I wanted one chapter just for this. So next chapter…**

** The song used was 'In My Life' from Les Miserable. **


End file.
